It feels wrong to call something like 'Wild Things,' a franchise. 'Iron Man,' 'Toy Story,' and 'Batman' are franchises. 'Wild Things' is a movie that became popular because girl-on-girl action between mainstream stars was considered pushing the envelope in 1998. Now, it's just getting old.
Where does that leave us? Ah yes, 'Wild Things: Foursome.' Not only am I surprised they were able to churn out sequels to the first one, they were able to bring out three based solely on the principle of girl-on-girl. I know what you're thinking, "Um, Aaron, how can that be a bad thing?" Read on...
The original 'Wild Things' starred Neve Campbell and Denise Richards, two relatively well-known actresses, who people were shocked to learn would be filming sex scenes with each other. Through three direct-to-video sequels after that, the Hollywood execs have been hoping the lure of lesbian loving would keep people coming back for more. It works in porn I guess, but here, it just stinks of "been there done that."
'Wild Things: Foursome' does indeed contain a foursome. Whoop-dee-doo. The scene is about as erotic as watching any of the 'Poison Ivy' sequels. Cornier than soft porn if that's even possible. What I'm trying to get at is that this entire movie is based on the premise that at some point three girls and a guy are going to get naked and start feeling each other up. If that's what you're into, forego this ridiculous movie with its moronic plot and terrible acting and just rent yourself 'Girls Gone Wild' or something. (It's probably cheaper.)
The first 'Wild Things' was inventive, and exciting – and not just because Neve Campebell and Denise Richards were licking each other's nether regions. It's twisting, turning plot was fun to follow. A well-thought out whodunit. 'Wild Things: Foursome' tries to do the exact same thing, even using the same scene where champagne is poured over naked breasts. It's hard not to laugh at something that's such a blatant rip-off of the first, without any of the quality. Watching 'Wild Things: Foursome' is like reading a badly plagiarized book report from a high school student. They couldn't even get this right if they'd copied the original 'Wild Things' script word for word.
All this talk and I haven't even gotten to the plot yet. So, you've gotten this far and you're still interested in watching this movie, huh? (Sigh.) If you're planning on renting it just out of morbid curiosity, I guess I can give you a little idea of what you're in for.
It's hard being rich and young in Miami. Isn't that always the case? Young, rich kids in movies never seem content with what they have. They always want more, and when they get it they're still sourpusses about it. Carson Wheetly is king of the rich sourpusses in Miami; his dad is the ninth richest man in Florida. Carson and his dad hate each other. Carson's dad dies in a race car, but he's amended his will so Carson has to wait until he's 30 years old to get any inheritance. Bamboozled! Carson enlists the services of his girlfriend – who's the kind of girl that enters and exits pools in slow motion just so you can contemplate how hot she really is over minutes instead of seconds – to help him get the money. If Carson gets hitched, all his problems are solved. Or so says his dad's will.
A detective comes sniffing around. His dad's car crash smells fishy, like someone planned it. Don't worry about the part where it shows his dad's car blow a tire and flip over, because the detective blames it on a worn out part in the engine, which must have been put there by someone with sinister plans. Is it the rusted part or the blown tire? A plot hole, but no matter, the promise of scantily clad women kissing each other is the reason anyone is here. Anyway, more and more people pop up with devious plans scheming to get their hands on Carson's money, like Brandi Cox, a friend of Carson's girlfriend. The plot twists and turns, as everyone had something to do with the murder, or did they? Oh, who cares. I know what you came for. 32:32 is when the foursome starts. 35:32 is when it ends.
Yuck, is one way to describe the visuals you'll encounter on this Blu-ray. The 1080p transfer of 'Wild Things: Foursome' looks about as bad as 'Burn Notice: Season 2,' which coincidentally was also filmed in southern Florida. Graininess is out of control, going past the point we like to call "a filmic look" to a point where it appears ants are crawling around on the screen. The grain hampers most of the fine detail, making this Blu-ray appear murky and soft. Detail is never really all that great, except for the foursome scene which seems to be the best looking part of the entire movie. Go figure.
Contrast is all over the place. The whole movie looks like it has sat in the sun far too long. Colors are bleached out, blacks are never inky. Source noise runs rampant as white specks and flecks pop up on something that was filmed just this last year. This is an ugly Blu-ray, which is somewhat fitting for it being an ugly movie. Point is, even with all the beautiful people here wearing skimpy clothing, nothing is clear, and it's a sad day when shots of women in bikinis lack any sort of allure.
The audio fares a bit better than the video, but still comes across as underwhelming. 'Wild Things: Foursome' is accompanied by 5.1 DTS-HD Master Audio soundtrack that is sufficient, but never really impresses. The dialogue is fine, though a bit quiet at times, especially when surrounding sounds drown it out during boat races or the big party at the beginning. LFE is plentiful, as speed boats roar to life and during the opening car crash. Much of the soundtrack is comprised of hip-hop music that thumps through the sub. Ambient noise, while there, sounds canned and a little hollow, like it's forced. (The house party is a great example of this. People partying all around you, but somehow it just doesn't sound real.) Oh, and just in case you wanted to know, the porn groove music during "the scene" is clear and decidedly funky.
Finally a Blu-ray where I'm tempted to give five stars for special features because it has none. Thank everything that is holy that this movie didn't have an audio commentary.
Here's the deal. If you're even the least bit interested in this movie, it's not because it has an enthralling plot or captivating characters. You just want to see some T&A, so I'm just going to lay it out for you. There is no nudity or sex leading up to "the scene" or after "the scene." It's just "the scene," and that's all there is. Now you know. I feel like I have done my part to warn you. The video is atrocious and the audio isn't anything that will blow you away. This is just one of those movies I'd like to forget about. Come to think of it, you should put it out of your mind, too. Forget I even mentioned it.