Tooth Fairy

You really have to hand it to The Rock; he's got charisma. He can flat out carry a silly children's movie until the very end with his charming smile and the occasional appearance of The People's Eyebrow. He made Disney's 'Race to Witch Mountain' watchable, and he made 'The Scorpion King' one of my all time favorite guilty pleasures. He was born to play cheesy characters, but everyone reaches their limit at some point. Not even The Rock's charismatic appeal can pull 'Tooth Fairy' out of its inane canal of anti-comedy.

The Rock plays Derek Thompson, a washed up hockey player who is the definition of used to be. He's playing in the minor leagues, was once a flashy pro player, but now he relies only on his brute strength to send people careening through the boards. He's earned the nickname The Tooth Fairy, because of all the teeth his hits have extracted from his opponents.

Fairly self-absorbed, Derek doesn't believe in fairy tales. He takes advantage of his girlfriend's family, and one night steals her daughter's tooth fairy money to use in a poker game. When the money is found to be missing, Derek decides it's time to tell the young girl that there is indeed no tooth fairy.

In the irony of ironies, which is really, really what the writers want you to believe anyway, this wayward hockey player nicknamed The Tooth Fairy is actually sentenced by the magical court of make believe (or something like that) to be an actual tooth fairy for the space of a few weeks. Being a tooth fairy is a hard job, and if you're found badmouthing it, Julie Andrews will appear (complete with wings) and sentence you to hard tooth-gathering labor.

It's all so ridiculous, predictable, and not the least bit funny. I don't even want to go into the fairy world and the moronic stuff that goes on there. This is one of those movies that parents will watch with their kids and think, "Wow, this may actually be making my child dumber." Everything from the plot to the characters is so contrived it has no hope.

We know exactly what will happen and when it will happen. It's like someone watched 'The Santa Clause' and said, "Hey, that could work with the tooth fairy, too, right?"

There's just no redeeming value here. At least in some of The Rock's other kiddie films he's been able to charm his way through. Here, he's left with a story and dialogue that aren't the least bit charming or fun. Other actors like Billy Crystal, who appears as a Miracle Max type character, Seth McFarlane (WTF?), and Andrews are all mired in something that rests in an area beneath mediocrity.

'The Tooth Fairy' is truly terrible in every way. There are plenty of other live-action films staring The Rock that I'd recommend for your kids over this one. Heck, I'd recommend all of them over this one. Please, save yourself the time and money and just steer clear of this disaster.

The Blu-ray: Vital Disc Stats

'The Tooth Fairy' comes with a DVD and Digital Copy so you can bring the torture with you wherever you go!

Well, if your kid is dying for you to get this for them, then you'll be happy to know that the 1080p transfer, featuring an AVC MPEG-4 encode, looks very nice.

In what is a very colorful film, the palette is warm and nicely rendered. Pastels look marvelous, especially when Derek travels to the fairy world and is confronted with the fairies and their different pastel-colored uniforms. Fine detail is sharp, even during some of the special effects, like during the swirling, sweeping pixie dust action that takes place when Derek's clothes transform. Each particle of dust is visible and looks great on screen. Skintones are right on, and blacks are evenly balanced. I didn't notice any artifacts to speak of.

While there are a few softer shots sprinkled throughout, overall this looks great.

The DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 soundtrack doesn't fare as well as the video.

That's not to say it isn't a serviceable audio presentation. On the contrary, it will be all the kids need and more. The dialogue is evenly mixed and clearly produced through the center channel. Ambiance, even during the frenetic hockey games, is a tad muted. The hockey sound effects are almost silly, definitely not up to 'Miracle' standards, but that's nothing that's going to bother the kids watching it. Directionality is nicely handled, especially as skaters fly in and out of frame during the games.

Like I said, it's a fine sound presentation and one that will keep the kids occupied, but nothing that will overly impress anyone.

• Audio Commentary by Director Michael Lembeck – Lembeck is one of those directors who talks rather seriously about his film. I get that this is his job, and that he's proud of what he made, but come on! It's 'Tooth Fairy' we're talking about. How about you talk about how ridiculous the movie is after you've actually watched it. That would be a nice change.
  
• Introduction by Director Michael Lembeck (HD, 20 sec.) – Lembeck is just way too excited about this movie for his own good. Here he gives us an introduction to the world of adventures that await us in the special features section.
  
• Tooth Fairy Training Center (HD, 20 min.) – Ok, this is a pretty inventive little feature. If your kids make you suffer through this movie with them, make them a deal. You'll watch it with them, but they must do the exercise bonus feature after it's over. Getting kids to get up and move around is never a bad thing. Sure they are simple workouts, but at least it gets them off their butts for a few minutes.
  
• Fairy-Oke (HD, 4 min.) – The Rock and Stephen Merchant give us a karaoke rendition of "The Wind Beneath My Wings." There are lyrics that appear at the bottom of the screen in case you get the hankering to sing along.
  
• Gag Reel (HD, 2 min.) – The old and tired gag reel with flubbed lines and laughing actors. Most of the time we don't really know why it's so funny, but at least it's marginally funnier than the movie itself, and it only lasts two minutes.
  
• Deleted Scenes (HD, 11 min.) – Six deleted scenes in all. Lembeck offers optional commentary on why they were pulled or reworked. All in all, just think how bad a scene would have to be to get cut from this movie, and then figure out if you want to watch this feature or not.
  
• Behind the Scenes (HD, 39 min.) – Segmented into six sections, this is your standard "making-of" piece complete with behind the scenes info and interviews from the crew. If you're interested in the costumes or the design of the movie's sets, this may be what you're looking for. A good amount of time is spent on how the movie looks, rather than the structure of the story. Hmm.
  
• Theatrical Trailer (HD, 2 min.) – The theatrical trailer is included.
  
• Sneak Peeks (HD, 4 min.) – Trailers are included for 'Fantastic Mr. Fox,' 'Flicka 2,' and 'The Sound of Music.'
  

If your kids want it (and they've been really, really good lately) then grit your teeth, buy it, and never look back (or even at the screen). That in no way comes as a recommendation from me, but just a realization that sometimes you just can't fight your kids. The movie itself is dreadful. Even the bright, happy-go-lucky face of The Rock can't liven things up. The video is nice, the audio is slightly under-par, but it will all keep the kids entertained throughout. The special features section isn't bare, but then again why would you be interested in the special features for this movie anyway? So, what's the bottom line? Buy it only if your kids are dying to have it and you're too weary to tell them no. Otherwise, avoid at all costs.