Dark Haul

I love movies. Ever since I was small, I enjoyed what they had to offer. Good, bad, I have always tried to find something worth enjoying in every movie I see. Every now and again, I do experience a movie that has little if any redeemable value, but even then I’m reluctant to smear a movie, particularly if it’s the work of a first time writer and first time director. But with ‘Dark Haul’ - I really feel like I’m taking one for the team reviewing this movie on Blu-ray. This movie, at a brief 90 minutes, is a rough ride.

The movie opens in the late 1700’s. A man’s wife is set to give birth as a group of clerics enter the home. The man happens to be the thirteenth child and his wife is set to give birth to their thirteenth child falling in line with an ancient prophecy that foretells the birth of the devil or a demon, or beast or something that will ultimately lead to the destruction of man. The priests are unable to prevent the birth, and in a rather gruesomely entertaining birth sequence, the demon is born. Once the beast is captured, the priests discover another child in the husk of the woman’s corpse, a human-looking baby girl, only she is far from human.

Slingshot 300 years to modern times, and the Keepers as they call themselves are transporting the beast and his human-looking sister Zib, Evalena Marie, to their ancestral home on a mission to destroy the beast once and for all. Lead by Knicks, Tom Sizemore, and Damon, Rick Ravanello who frequently butt heads to prove who is right and wrong on this fight. Damon believes Zib is a force of good and Knicks knows deep down that she is no different than her brother. 

When their convoy truck is overturned and the beast is unleashed, the small band of survivors must set aside their differences in order to live through the night. Or at least I think that’s what’s going on, I had to restart the movie a number of times just to get an idea of what the heck is happening and what the character’s motivations actually are - they kind of turn on a dime and make little sense. It’s also fairly difficult to care about characters that at their core are completely unlikable. 

The premise itself isn’t all that bad, considering the beast has the ability to implant visions into people and make them kill each other - kind of a cool idea, but it just doesn’t go anywhere very interesting and ultimately feels like a missed opportunity. On top of an uneven plot is the abundant and laughably bad CGI creature effects of the beast. My Playstation 2 had better graphics. Remember the Scorpion King monster from ‘The Mummy Returns?’ Yeah, those two could have come from the same video game. Things do improve at the climax when practical creature and monster effects are used, but by that point the damage was done.

I’ll give credit to the actors for giving it their all, in particular Tom Sizemore. Sizemore is an actor that always brings real weight to any role, and given his recent troubled history, it’s nice to see him alive - let alone acting in a movie. But watching this, it made me want to pull out my Laserdisc copy of ‘The Relic’ to enjoy a good Tom Sizemore VS Beast movie. Valetta Marie is also pretty good as Zib, since you never quite know what side of the fence she’s on and her performance does help make the story a bit more interesting. 

For a movie that aired on the SyFy Channel, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by the outcome of ‘Dark Haul.’ Presented here unrated, the only discernible difference I’ve been able to glean from the televised presentation and this one is that there is a lot more CGI blood added. Not that blood, gore and fake gunshot bursts really add anything to the movie. Like I said before, I hate to slam on a first time writer or director - I went to film school - I know making a movie of any length is tough work to do, but my empathy can’t keep me from being honest; this is a bad movie. 

From the outset, this movie lacks exposition. Who people are, what they’re doing, and why was hardly explained at all. Are these Keepers part of a religious sect? Are they part of the Catholic Church like the hunters in ‘John Carpenter’s Vampires?’ Are they a government run and funded agency like the BIPD in ‘Hellboy’ since they have a lot of weapons and tech on hand? Doesn’t really get explained - and it isn’t like there needs to be much in the way of exposition, but a little would have gone a long way to making me care. Then there are the dime-turn character changes that don’t feel motivated let alone earned and only add to the confusion. 

Yeah ‘Dark Haul’ is a bad movie, and unless you’re extremely curious about it, it’s one that I would suggest you avoid. 

The Blu-ray: Vital Disc Stats

‘Dark Haul’ arrives on Blu-ray via Scream Factory on a Region A locked BD25 disc. Housed in a standard Blu-ray case with dust sleeve that replicates the same artwork. Showing through the transparent case is artwork showing the main beast creature. The disc zips straight to the main menu without any previews for other films.