Coyote Ugly

Back in 1983, a little movie called 'Flashdance' was released and became a huge blockbuster. It told the story of a welder-by-day/dancer-by-night who dreamed of a legit career as a ballerina, and it was as empty-headed as it was a stylistic triumph. Though billed as a "female empowerment" tale by its filmmakers, it was pure male fantasy engineered as pop culture event, complete with a hip soundtrack, music video-ready dance sequences, and (more for the men in the audience than the women) lots of hot, sweaty, half-naked chicks writhing around in torn sweatshirts. Nevertheless, 'Flashdance' went on to gross over $100 million (back when movie tickets were still, like $4 a pop), and "female empowerment" practically became its own cinematic subgenre.

'Flashdance' was also a watershed moment in the career of Jerry Bruckheimer, a producer not known for either a.) his subtlety, b.) his originality, or c.) his lack of commercial savvy. So, almost two decades after his success with 'Flashdance,' he returned to the same girl power trough and produced a sort of thematic sibling called 'Coyote Ugly.' Also a bit of a distaff version of 'Cocktail' (as if that's something to aspire to), 'Coyote Ugly' replaced 'Flashdance's welder-by-day/dancer-by-night with an aspiring songwriter-by-day/bartender-by-night, and xeroxed almost all of the original script, resulting in just about the exact same film. Though 'Coyote Ugly' was not the pop culture sensation 'Flashdance' was, it still made enough cash at the box office that one has to wonder just what sort of mind control Bruckheimer continues to wield over the movie going public to make them swallow such pap.

Piper Perabo stars as Violet Sanford, a naive Jersey transplant to the big city of New York. She has dreams of finding musical superstardom as a songwriter (having apparently listened to one too many Jewel albums), so she shops her demo tape around to all the big record companies with no luck. She further strikes out after hitting on studly young booking agent Kevin O'Donnell, who turns out to be a fraud. So she does what any other self-respecting wanna-be musician would do, she gets a job as a bar-straddling, beer-slinging, boob thrusting "coyote" at a local bar to make ends meet.

It's here that 'Coyote Ugly' really begins, as the movie is purely an excuse to rip off 'Flashdance's music video numbers, only instead of Jennifer Beals sweatin' to Michael Sembello, we get Perabo juggling a Heineken while straddling the laps of drunk frat guys (is this feminist progress?) Violet also quickly gets adopted by her fellow coyotes, who are at first one tough bunch. There's Maria Bello, the bar-owner-with-a-heart-of-gold. A young Bridget Moynahan, doing a mean impersonation of Gina Gershon in 'Showgirls' (they even have the same bitchy-rival part). And best of all, "America's Next Top Model' tyrant Tyra Banks, who still can't act a whit. If these wafer-thin characters doing their tightly choreographed bar/dance numbers are the most ridiculous part of the film, they are also its only highlight -- there really is no other reason for 'Coyote Ugly' to exist other than to give us camp lovers the thrill of watching Perabo almost light herself on fire while trying to ignite a trail of Jack Daniels to impress the clientele.

The only thing saving 'Coyote Ugly' from being pure sexist twaddle is the fact that there really is a "coyote" bar with dancing babes who perform juggling acts for tips (no, it's not called Hooters). That gives the film a smidge of realism, at least in the sense that it's not hard to imagine that the real Coyote Ugly is filled with girls with dreams bigger than their bank accounts. Of course, Bruckheimer and director David McNally (whose only other big-screen credit is Bruckheimer's 'Kangaroo Jack') aren't particularly interested in making a documentary. This is pure fluff designed to appeal to the fantasies of teenage girls (or, rather, teenage girls as they exist in Bruckheimer and McNally's fantasies), with Violet plowing ahead to realize her big dream while facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles. We know how this story is going to turn out, though -- do you think the puppy-dog O'Donnell (played forgettably by one-time "It" boy Adam Garcia) will get Violet a big gig at an open mic night, and she'll land a recording contract!? -- making 'Coyote Ugly' about as subversive and insightful as an episode of "Hannah Montana."

It's interesting to reflect that in its original theatrical form, 'Coyote Ugly' was a pretty tame movie, too. It's PG-13 all the way -- the language never too salacious, the situations far from explicit, and certainly the sex quotient about as steamy as a daytime soap opera. An Unrated version subsequently hit DVD about three years ago, which featured seven minutes of additional steamy footage deemed "too hot" for the theaters. In addition to some (dull) character-building bits, the main attraction to the Unrated cut is a sex scene featuring Perabo's body double (whose rack is considerably larger) and many shots of Garcia's naked rear end. (Depending on your gender/orientation, you may find one or the other -- or both -- quite titillating.) Luckily, Disney has included both cuts on this Blu-ray, so you can decide for yourself.

There is little I can to say to defend 'Coyote Ugly.' It's contrived and cynical, but undeniably entertaining precisely because it's so predictable (it's like a cinematic security blanket). Sure, this is a guilty pleasure, with the guilt heavily underlined, and it's so stupid I'm pretty embarrassed to be giving it three stars, but I believe a truly bad movie is one you just want to turn off after ten minutes, and not one you can't stop watching no matter how hard you try. I guess every generation needs their own 'Flashdance,' and as far as sexist female empowerment epics go, 'Coyote Ugly' is hilariously bad fun.